Watched ‘Happy New Year’ and ‘Bang Bang’ recently.
Why do I do this to myself..
1. The inevitability
You begin watching such movies with a sense of inevitability. That you are bound to be disappointed and yet one must soldier on and watch these monstrosities. The inevitability is due part us and part the makers. us – because we are addicted to junk. Its the cola and chips we can’t live without.
Makers – because those assholes buy up the entirety of screen inventory. During Diwali, families do tend to go to watch movies together. Its almost a tradition in many a middle class families. and then once you reach your favourite multiplexes with their many screens, the only choice you have is the show time. the makers have put their clout to use and all screens are running the same damn film. They are 100 cr films by default. Poor (rich) junta has no option but to hope that their family does not mind the ‘mindless fun’. Just look sideways while watching film and laugh that encouraging laugh that says ‘if its not funny, we can always laugh ironically.’
Bollywood is in the business of ironical laughs.
I wonder what SRK feels about his latest films. He is without doubt an intelligent person. And no intelligent person can watch his last few movies continuously without squirming in the seat often many times. Why build a legacy of mediocre and lazy film-making?
When he sees himself on the big screen, does he not feel embarrassed?
(One feels that he is infected with untreatable megalomania. That he would much rather ‘show’ that whatever shit he does, it will get lapped up, that it will earn ‘100 cr’. So he perhaps makes shitty movies on purpose. Because he can.)
The khan siblings (farah and that douche of her brother, whatever his name is) should be simply ostracized from the film community. They are THE rotten apples of the industry. They propagate the myth that only bad films with patriarchal tropes and silly jokes can make money in India. And it is a dangerous myth. (or a good myth. With the decline of bollywood bullshit, perhaps the local film industries will see an influx of talent.) Their movies are not successful because people like these movies, they are successful because they are the 800 pound ugly gorillas of the industry who use their network smartly – big names, smart marketing, manipulate screen presence.
3. Movie hai ke advertisement?
These days ads are more subtle in product placement than movies. Bang Bang kept on smearing our faces into feces filled Pizza hut boxes through out the movie. Their attempt of turning pizza into metaphor made me retch. Krish 3 had less story and more product placements.
4. The disrespect
The laziness of the talentless hacks who nevertheless become major actors owing to their lineage, is astounding. (lounging body language. no empathy. no intensity. just mindless barking and abs (or hips).)
The laziness of writers (if there are any). The non-existent story.
The lazy direction. the direction-less movie.
Tell me if it is not glaring disrespect towards the Indian audience. The makers are sure that the audience doesn’t have that many options and can be trusted to entrust their faith in big names. How hard is it to sit a little longer and get an actual script out of your writer (or your ass) before commencing? How hard is it to actually portray a convincing character. It is so jarring to see stars as stars instead of characters.
5. for masses ≠ patriarchal
Oh Bollywood, why must you copy those terrible patriarchal Telugu movies? why must you bring back only the worst part of bollywood of yesteryears?
oh.. fuck you. here’s to your death. All hail torrent and todaypk.com
Originally published at Watching blockbuster movies.